Finding Strength in Stumbles: Can Mistakes Spark Emotional Growth?
What lies beneath the surface when you face your mistakes head-on?
Yesterday, I experienced a profound moment of healing and growth that I feel compelled to share. I made a performance blunder at my job, and my boss, in her wisdom, pointed it out with constructive criticism that was both kind and insightful. I’m deeply passionate about my work as a coach, and I’m committed to showing up fully for the people I coach. So, when I feel like I’ve let them down, it hits hard. For years, I’ve been working to shift my perspective on mistakes, learning to see them as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to beat myself up. I’m a few years out from my former crippling perfectionism, and while it’s gotten easier, this new job (with its new environment, new people, and new curriculum) has me still finding my footing at times.
As I processed this mistake, I felt a small part of me slip into disappointment. I noticed a growing tightness in my chest, a hunching in my shoulders. Something was wrong. I sat with it, letting the sensations unfold. A sense of dread bloomed in my belly, and fear prickled at the edges of my sense of self. It was a familiar feeling, like I was bracing for someone to tell me I was fired (the grown-up version of “getting in trouble”). My dear friend, who’s far more insightful about astrology than I am, mentioned that the moon was in Pisces (watery, emotional, intuitive, sensitive) and the sun was in Leo (outward, expressive, confident). In that moment, facing my mistake, I felt it all so deeply.
As I stayed present with these emotions, my body spoke loudly: a desire to bend over and catch my breath, as if hunching to protect myself; a soul-deep urge to cry; the terror of needing to be perfect, to never make mistakes, to always have the right answers. I felt pain in my chest, pressure in my forehead, and an empty, burning sensation in my gut. So many things. Then, the tears came, heavy with sadness. I realized how painful it must have been to carry these feelings as a child, feelings I never fully connected with back then. In that moment, I experienced the weight of it, it was painful.
A fleeting thought crossed my mind: “If I tried to explain this to someone right now, they’d think I’m crazy!” That made me cry harder. Feeling these locked-away emotions so intensely can feel overwhelming, and for so many, it leads to being labeled or medicated. My heart ached for all the adults out there who might feel something’s wrong with them because their emotions demand to be felt. It’s intense, it’s painful, and it’s real. I knew this wasn’t just about my job. This was something deeper, something that had been buried for a long time.
As I sat with this, I saw that rigid part of myself, not as weakness, but as a brave attempt to stand tall against life’s storms. I’ve sometimes wondered, “Who am I to help others process these things when I’m still going through it?” But this morning, I felt a pull to write this down, to share this story. I believe moments like these are exactly why I can help others. I know there are people out there who’ve felt this too, those moments when it feels like the storm will never pass, when the fear is so raw it’s like being a small child again, terrified of what you’re feeling. It’s awful, but I made it through.
This experience taught me humbling lessons that will make me a better coach. After crying and processing, I slept for ten hours, waking with a gentle reminder to hydrate and be kind to myself. That familiar fire in my being (the passion for my work) burned brighter. I feel driven to connect with others, especially the women who are navigating moments like these, who think you’re crazy or not enough. I want to remind you: you’re not alone in the storm. Your feelings don’t make you crazy. They’re deep messages, rich with information, asking to be felt. I know it’s scary, but you can do it.
To anyone reading this: I care about you. I’m proud of you for making it through what you have. I’m so glad you exist. You are marvelous, a beautiful creation. Keep going. I can’t wait to hear what you have to share from your own journey.
We’ll be discussing things like imposter syndrome, repressed fears, and coping mechanisms (like perfectionism) tonight in our Weekly Women’s Circle. This is a weekly get-together that’s free but private, meant for women who are overcoming things like narcissistic abuse, betrayal trauma, complex trauma, self worth issues, and so much more. Consider this your invitation, if you feel it’s aligned. You can email me at ashana@yournorthstarrising.com to register for your spot!
Much love,
Ashana
